DEFINITION OF VIOLENCE

Intimate Partner Violence

Does your partner or ex-partner :

  • devalues you?
  • constantly controls and checks your schedule, your messages, your phone calls, your e-mails?
  • hits you, yells at you, threatens you, insults you, breaks things?
  • takes your identity papers, your bank cards?
  • forces you to have sex?
  • doesn't want you to see your friends and family anymore?
Gender-based violence permeates our societies and increases inequalities.

Do you see yourself in these few lines? Then you may be a victim of violence. Everyone can be confronted with intimate partner violence at one time or another (regardless of age, social origin, gender, income, culture or family of origin).

What is the difference between conflict and partner violence?

All couples can experience conflicts, but when can we talk about domestic violence? Several criteria can be taken into account:

  • The desire to dominate/control the other
  • The repetition of facts
  • The seriousness of the facts

Domestic violence : definition

Violence in intimate relationships is a set of behaviours, acts, attitudes, of one of the partners or ex-partners that aim at controlling and dominating the other.

They include verbal, physical, sexual or economic aggression, threats or coercion that are repeated or are likely to be repeated, and that affect the integrity of the other person and even his or her socio-professional integration.

Such violence also affects the victim's and the perpetrator's environment, including other family members, including children.

Alcohol, drugs and stress may encourage the expression of violence, but none of these can justify it.

Verbal violence

Verbal abuse is when the other :

  • raises their voice to intimidate you;
  • yells or screams to talk to you;
  • insults you, belittles you, threatens you;
  • is blackmailing you;
  • forbids you to go out;
  • gives you orders;
  • etc.

For example:

"I forbid you to see or to talk to her again. She is not a good friend for you!"

Verbal violence includes shouting and screaming; it often goes unnoticed by the victim and those around him/her because it does not leave any "physical traces". Despite the absence of blows, the climate of fear is intentionally created and leaves psychological traces. Verbal abuse is as harmful as any other type of violence.

For example:

"You're lucky I'm here. Without me, you would be nothing!"

Psychological violence includes humiliation, jealousy, blackmail, devaluation, death and suicide threats... Like all types of violence, it worsen the victim's self-esteem and reinforces the cycle of violence. Self-esteem is an important resource for the victim to get out of the violent context.

Psychological violence

Emotional abuse is a series of contemptuous attitudes and words aimed at humiliating the partner. It can be :

  • the denigration of your intelligence;
  • constant criticism of your cooking;
  • criticism about the way you raise children;
  • negative comments about your behaviour in public.

Sexual violence

Sexual violence is when you force your partner to :

  • have a sexual relationship ;
  • watching pornographic material ;
  • prostitute themselves ;
  • being insulted during sex without consent;
  • allowing themselves to be tied up or bitten during sex, without consent;
  • etc.

For example:

"If you don't sleep with me, I'll leave you.

Sexual violence includes any attack on sexual integrity. Sexual violence is not always expressed in a brutal way through the use of force. In some couples, one of the two partners will feel obliged to have sex because it is his or her "duty" as a partner. However, it is also a form of sexual violence to feel obliged (even implicitly) to have sex. Marital rape is condemned by law.

For example:

"Who do you want to buy a new dress for? Who do you want to please with this? ».

This is the most misunderstood form of domestic violence, as it has only existed in law since 1983. The victim is deprived of all access to the couple's or her own financial resources. This prevents her from controlling her daily budget and prevents her from becoming independent when she decides to leave the home. Since it leaves no visible traces, this form of violence is more easily hidden than physical violence.

Economic violence

Economic violence is when the other :

  • always wants to control your budget;
  • prohibits you from buying certain items;
  • blames you for purchases you have made for yourself or the children;
  • prohibits you from working outside the house;
  • forces you to steal;
  • forces you to support him financially;
  • etc.

Physical violence

Physical violence is when the other person :

  • hit ;
  • slap ;
  • punches or kicks;
  • pushes ;
  • etc.

For example:

your partner pushes you against the wall or 'squeezes' your arm.

It is the assault and battery inflicted by one partner on the other. The aggressor uses force to intimidate and terrorise the victim who, in his opinion, is becoming too independent (he pushes her, blocks her, locks her up, etc.). The blows leave physical marks and, by creating a climate of fear, psychological after-effects.

Both victims and perpetrators do not have homogeneous characteristics. Contrary to what many people think, aggressors and victims can be found in all social backgrounds, in all age groups.

Most men who are abusive to their partners or ex-partners are not abusive outside the relationship. They may be good work colleagues and friendly neighbours, which makes them difficult to identify. However, it is possible to identify victims by noticing certain clues: wounds, marks, scars, etc. If you notice something unusual, ask questions and offer your help.

References : sosviolenceconjugale.ca // domesticviolence.gouv.qc.ca